Alone = Time To Think

I fear this may be a long entry, so bear with me...

Since E has been gone to work all week, I've read his journal from when we were dating, and then my journal of the same thing and a little after we married. I've really seen how much I've lost focus on the true meaning of life and why we're here. 

Since T was born I've grown to become so self-centered and have no regard for anyone else. I've taken E so much for granted and continually felt sorry for myself. I looked back at how dependent I was on the Lord and how grateful I was for how my life was, even though it was difficult. I've fallen away from that humble state of mind and come to rely on my own abilities which are completely inadequate without the Lord's help. 

I used to try and find the good in people and look at the bright side of every situation. Now there's a black cloud over my head that rains all day. I see everyone else faults and always know how to make someone better. For example, E's mother. I have fought it since we've moved here and I think pride has set in so heavily that I'm not sure how to change. I have been so wrong!!

I feel as though I don't allow the spirit in with me while I'm raising T. I don't ask for help when my day's going tough and then feel guilty later for not controlling my temper very well.

Oh how I need the Lord's help! I need him by my side leading and guiding me. Here it's the Christmas season and it's just turned into war-zone in our house because I don't want my Christmas things to be ruined. That's not what Christmas is about. I've become so hard headed!!!

I'm glad I've had these few days to really take a look inside myself and assess where I'm at. I've realized so many things. But - most importantly, I've realized how much I love my husband and why I did fall in love with him three years ago. He's caring of his family, he's trustworthy, he gives 100% all of the time, he's completely devoted to me, and he'll always be there for me. These are the qualities I saw in him as a boyfriend and they are truer than ever now. He is still my knight in shining armor. He's a dedicated servant of the Lord and gives his all. He's an excellent example to me in honesty, loyalty, determination, hard work, and love. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know, but is afraid to show it to people sometimes. He'd do anything for anyone. I love my husband dearly and will try to be a better wife.

My New Friend 'Mold'

I had to rearrange my entire front room today because I found mold on the bottom shelf of our bookcase. That while corner of the room was just mold heaven. It kind of wore me out.

I talked to E tonight, but he must've been watching a movie or something; he wasn't real talkative.

I finally gave our food storage its real kick-off today. E agreed to spend $100 per month on food storage and I didn't do anything last month so I had $200 to spend. I got a lot of real basics like salt, milk, beans, etc. The bare minimum kind of stuff. I'm excited. This will give me something to be in charge of and feel like I have a little responsibility. I put together a filing system that I think will work pretty good. I also asked my family for a wheat grinder for Christmas. That would sure be handy!

All Alone... Again

In order to make ends meet, E has taken a job in another state. He's gone all week and is only home on the weekends. I miss him.

Only 17 weeks of it  =/

Yesterday I went to the Family History Library for four hours. It's a little overwhelming.

A Blessing of Tithing

The Lord truly does bless us when we do what is right. Yesterday I thought that I could wait a week to pay tithing and we'd have money to cover all of our bills. Then I decided not to compromise and to trust in the Lord. Well ~ my father-in-law showed up with a refund check for our home owner's insurance on our last house! Crazy huh? So at the point when we didn't have enough money to make ends meet, the Lord saw fit to bless us.

I've always had a strong testimony of tithing and know how much the Lord blesses us when we keep the commandments. It's so easy to overlook blessings or to think it's just a lucky coincidence. Heavenly Father knows our needs and our hearts.

E won't be done with school for five more months and we are down to our last $130.

I turn my thoughts to my Savior now. He is the true meaning of happiness. He's the light in this dark and saddened world. If only everyone knew He lived and would follow Him. Money, power, fame, none of that brings happiness. And it's not just believing in Him, it's knowing Him. It's knowing who He is, what He teaches, who He is when he returns in all of His glory. Oh what a beautiful day that will be. I can only pray I will be worthy to kneel at His feet, kiss them, and call Him "Master." Then I could only say "thank you." He gives me hope, happiness and direction in my life.

Intimacy.... and Pregnancy

I seem to be really down lately. Just like my pregnancy with T, I have no desire for intimacy. It just doesn't seem important to me. My energy is drained. It's like a continuous circle. E doesn't want to go out because he'd rather stay home. For me, I want to go out and have fun together so I feel close - THEN it's easier to be intimate. Maybe I need to talk about it with him. Maybe he doesn't know quite how I feel. I'll try.

Sometimes I wish I could lock myself up in a room and not have to see or deal with anyone for a few days. Not feasible. It probably doesn't help that we haven't had an oven for a while. Our old one was leaking gas so I have been trying to cook without an oven. There are only so many things you can cook in a microwave.

Well, I feel cruddy, my attitude is cruddy, so I probably shouldn't even be writing in this thing. I guess I do have bad days, too.

I Had Forgotten

E and I took the opportunity to attend the temple yesterday. We went to the 12:00 pm session and it was a Spanish session. Here I haven't been to the temple for two years and the first one I go to is in a foreign language. I had to read the little monitors the whole time but it was a really neat experience. I couldn't let my mind drift for one second because I'd miss something. And since I was going through for someone else, I did not want to miss anything. There were a few times my contacts would fog up from me straining my eyes but I don't think I missed much at all.

It was nice to return to the temple. And especially to be able to go with my husband. I was reminded of so many basic things which I had forgotten. I also just found my Patriarchal blessing and I'm so thankful. It, too, reminded me of so many things I had forgotten. I love to read my blessing. I want to serve the Lord and put all of my efforts toward building His kingdom here on Earth. I love the gospel, my Savior, and my Father in Heaven. I'm so blessed to live during this time and to be shielded by a testimony.

Lizzy's Tantrum for a Car

Our little family went to town to look at some cars. The first one was an old junker... totally beat up. The second was a little nicer, but sounded pretty rough. And the last one.... it was so beautiful! It only had one scratch on one side. 

E offered him $2200 and the guy said he'd come down to $2800 because of the little crack in the windshield. It was silent forever.... aahh pain!... and then I blurted out "will you take $2700!?!" At that instant I could have kicked myself cause I knew E would be upset at me for busting in. Boy was I right!!

Lizzy's Note: Brace yourself for a Lizzy Tantrum

I can't even be happy about the car because E is so mad. And getting madder. I have apologized til I'm blue in the face but it doesn't matter. I feel terrible. I know that is a big thing to him and I stepped on his ego. I'm surprised I could get my foot high enough to step on it though - it's so big. I think he has some serious pride issues working here. I was trying so hard too. I tried to explain to him that this is difficult for me. I bought several cars on my own before we were married and I know what to ask. If I even open my mouth at all, I tread on his manliness and hurt his pride. I wish he could feel happy he has a wife who knows something, rather than threatened. My dad taught me all he knows about cars and I loved learning it. Now I have to hide all of that under a bushel because of E's pride. Am I supposed to be a submissive, ignorant wife? Hmmm... that would be a little hard for me. 

I have so much to learn!!

Lizzy's Note: I'm tired of typing Ernie so I'm changing it to E.

Support - Cease & Desist

I'm feeling better but not feeling like I have a whole lot of support with this baby. The reaction I get from everyone is "you're kidding." No one even acts excited for me. I'm excited, but I don't think I'm as good at filtering out the negativity and I let it get to me. I finally called a dear friend with many children because I knew she would be happy for me. It's because all of her kids are that close together. It was fun to talk to her. She's a neat lady.

Someone leaked about the investment we have and the state has filed a Cease & Desist. We can't deposit any more. The state thinks it's crooked without even investigating.

Sick...

I'm sicker than a dog with this kid! I'm sick from the minute I open my eyes in the morning until I go to sleep at night. It's become very old. At my last appointment I found out my body's in a starvation pattern. I can't get enough calories with feeling so sick. There was also yeast, bacteria, & sugar in my urine. Not good. so now everything is back to normal except I'm borderline anemic.

This pregnancy is a lot different than the first. All of the symptoms I had with T are nowhere to be found and I've picked up all new ones =/  Fun, fun! This is why I'm thinking this one is a boy.

Ernie and I finally got our Temple recommends. It's been two years since we've been through a session a the temple. That's terrible!

Ernie tells me I'm very hard to keep happy lately. Hopefully it will get better after the 1st trimester.

Crafts & Family History

At a Relief Society activity I painted a statue of Christ in a pearl paint for my mantle.

Afterward I went to the genealogy library for an hour and a half and tried to find out which of my ancestors has had their work done already. In doing so, I found out that some of have had their work done tons of times. Strange. I think I have my work cut out for me....

Breaking the News - Part II

Poor T has two awful ear infections. She throws her head all over the place trying to make the pain go away. She went to the doctor yesterday with me and got some medicine to hep her feel better. Hopefully she'll be feeling better tomorrow.

I told my family I'm pregnant again. They were all pretty surprised.... but happy? I suppose.

I really have a lot to be thankful for. My good health, my ability to have children so easily, my incredible husband who I can't even imagine not having, a shelter over our heads, the start of a food storage, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, my testimony, the atonement... I could go on and on. This life has truly been a blessing. I am grateful for all that I have.

Breaking the News

We told Ernie's family that we are expecting again. I think they're excited. I'm just afraid to tell my mother. I guess I really seek her approval and I'm afraid she'll disapprove because they're so close together. I'll probably call everyone today and let them know.

I did find out that we will still have insurance. I will continue on COBRA. It costs a little more but it'll totally be worth it.

Insurance... The Lack of

I just found out that I can't buy any insurance that will cover maternity. That means Ernie and I have to fork out the cash for this baby. 

It's quite a bit cheaper to have a baby here. Only $1750 for the doctor and $2000 for the hospital delivery. It was $3000 for the doctor and $3500 for the hospital when T was born. So, theoretically we almost get the doc fee waived. Sounds good to me.

Time for Baby #2... #1 is only 8 months

Funny. It's the first of the month. I just took a pregnancy test and found out that I am pregnant... again. My period hasn't started and that's about the only sign I have. My period should've started on the 22nd and I figured it was because of the stress of moving and stuff.

Guess not!!

I am excited though. I guess it's a little different this time because with t, I wanted it so bad and this time we've left it up to the Lord. It must be time. I'm just thankful I get to stay home and Ernie will have graduated by then. That won't be too hot here yet and T will be 17 1/2 months old.

I'm actually pretty happy with the arrangement. Ernie doesn't know yet. He's coming home for lunch at noon so I guess I'll break the news to him then. I'll really need his support. He's a great husband!

My Budding Testimony of Joseph Smith

We just returned from the most inspiring vacation I've ever been on. Ernie, T ad I packed up and headed for Nauvoo, IL. We got there in the evening and found out it was the weekend of this HUGE production they do there every summer. We laid down a blanket to save a spot and then went sight-seeing. We watched a video in the visitor's center and heard their tour. Then we went to set up camp for that night. The production was so neat! I'm going to call and get an application for us to be a part of it. The cast was huge. It told the story of Joseph Smith's life.

The camp sight was full of people because of the pageant, so we had to camp by the water faucet. That first night, while we were sleeping, two fans full of Mexicans came and 20 of them took showers at the faucet. They would fill up their buckets over and over and I was so frustrated! Thank heaven's T never woke up though. They were so loud!!!!

Eventually I was so tired and frustrated I told Ernie I was going out to ask if they were finished. I unzipped the tent, stepped outside, and thank goodness I didn't have my glasses on to witness the details of all of the naked people in front of me. I lost my nerve and got back inside the tent.

We woke up and finally got to church once we found Ernie's keys :) We left and went to the visitor's center again. Upstairs there was a temporary display of the life paintings called "Impressions of a Prophet, Joseph Smith." They were incredible! I cried several times as I looked at the paintings and read the story behind them. One was The Martyrdom. Joseph was holding Hyrum after he was shot through the door in the face. Joseph was crying over his brother and the painting was entitled "Oh My Poor Dear Brother Hyrum."



We took a horse and carriage ride. Those homes were so neat. I can't imagine how they felt when they were forced to leave. They were all beautiful homes.

We went to a fireside that night and Kenneth Cope sang his songs from "My Servant Joseph" which he composed to accompany the paintings from "Impression of a Prophet." His voice is gorgeous!!

We also went up to the old temple sight which was destroyed by the mob after the Saints left. They set fire to it and the ceiling collapsed. The walls stood for several years until a tornado blew it down in the 1850's. So much work went into the temple. It must have been beautiful and enormous. The people were scared of the saints though and ran them out. The foundation has been uncovered and is all that stands.

(Lizzy's Note: The Nauvoo temple has been rebuilt and you can see it here. I think I've just dated myself!)

Sleeping that night was it's own challenge. No Mexicans this time, just 55 mph winds. The lightening and thunder was constant. It scared me so much I cried. Sweet T never even made a peep. She slept through the entire storm.

In the morning we drove on to Carthage to visit the jail where Joseph and Hyrum were killed and John Taylor was shot three times. That was very humbling. WE were in the actual room where the prophet and his brother were killed. Hyrum was leaning against the door to hold it closed which is why he was shot in the face. After the mob broke in, they shot Hyrum two more times on the floor. Joseph was hit twice in the chest, then the mob shot him twice in the back which sent him out the window. The prophet was dead.

Joseph Smith was an incredible man whom I have grown to love so much since we've been living out here. A couple of weeks ago I prayed that I might be able to gain a firm testimony of Joseph. I have always believed he was a prophet because I knew the gospel was true. I was afraid to ask Heavenly Father for that reason - that I possible already had a testimony and would be tempting God for another confirmation. I proceeded to ask as I thought I would get an answer that night as I read the Doctrine & Covenants. Of course, that didn't happen.  I needed to put forth a little effort. Reading D&C, visiting Nauvoo, and prayer has brought me such a strong testimony that I never knew I could attain.

I know without a doubt that Joesph Smith was a prophet of God. He saw the Father and Jesus Christ and restored the Gospel of Jesus Christ to this earth. Joseph was a man, chosen by the Lord, to carry out this wonderful work that has changed the world.

Frightening Times & Miracles

E left to come home tonight, but he didn't make it. The roads were terrible! He slid off twice and then had a tire blow out which sent him spinning in circles. No one stopped to help him so he had to change the tire with only one arm. Then he slid off the road again and this time got stuck in the median. A police officer stopped but said he'd have to walk to the next town because he had to get to another accident.

I finally got a hold of my good friend Tonya D to see if she could watch T for me while I drove down. After I hung up I just cried to Heavenly Father because I was terrified to drive down there. Just then Tonya called back and said her mom lives just outside the nearest town and she'd pick up E and let him stay at their house. I was so thankful! It was a miracle.

The Lord does truly watch over us and bless us continually!

I went to the doctor for an itch in my foot. He did a pregnancy test and it was negative. I'm not even nursing anymore (a week and a half) and my period still hasn't started. It's nice for the time being but it has to start sometime or I won't be able to have anymore babies! Yikes!

T had her first bowl of cereal with milk. She chews up the Cheerios and spits out the milk. It's funny.

I've started reading the Doctrine & Covenants. I've never read it before. It's neat to read and understand where things took place and some of the places we've been to.

Well, thus ends my 7th journal...

Tuesday was my last day nursing T. I'm a little sad. She's growing up! Five days ago she started rocking back and forth on her knees and I think she'll be crawling any day.

As of yesterday we have sold our house. We sold it to the couple that offered us $5000 under. After negotiating, we agreed on $2000 under our asking price. I feel relieved. They are super nice and Ernie and I are grateful that they did made an offer because no one else has.

Alan and Ruth S. stood us up again for church and dinner. I thin I'm giving up. I'm wondering if Alan might feel that if he says no I'd fire him. That's not the case at all. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow and let him know there are no string attached whether he does or not. I was so excited too. Oh well. It got me out of my safe little box.

I've talked to Ernie about donating our car to the ward when we move. There are so many people in our ward who are in need. He had a hard time accepting it at first but I think he's okay with it now. I've noticed that Ernie does everything he's asked and does a great job in his calling. But when it comes to leaving things in Heavenly Father's hands, he struggles. I think it's because it's difficult to logically think it through. That's what faith is all about though.

An offer was made on our house today for $5000 under our asking price. The couple that made the offer was super nice and I would love to sell it to them. We need closer to what we're asking though to pay off our mortgage and our home equity loan. There are three other potential offers coming in soon and we'd like to wait for those if possible. We shall see.

I can't believe T is almost 9 months old. She's growing up so fast! And she's adorable!

I don't feel like I'm doing everything I should lately and I certainly don't feel worthy of all of the blessings I am receiving.  I need to get my act together!

We put our little house on the market with huge success. On our "For Sale" sign, we built a little box to hold brochures. I made the flyer and glued a picture on it. It turned out really nice. I put 17 in the box and now there are only 5 left. Twelve people came by and four actually called for an appointment to walk through. All of the people who came through were super nice and I wouldn't mind them living here. One mother came with her daughter and the daughter's fiance.  They're buying them a house for their wedding. This would be perfect!

Now I  have to go run more errands and find some paper work. I'll keep you posted on how it's all going. Hopefully an offer will be made soon!

I don't think I'm over feeling sorry for myself so I will vent once again. There was a whole ordeal at work and Wednesday was my last day. Then I was talked into staying and more offers were made and I got it all in writing, finally!

I've been sick all week, but Jenny W. at work has faked sick all week and is now trying to go on short-term disability. I worked.

Our house goes on the market tomorrow. I worked until 3:30 AM last night, went to bed at 4:00 AM, got up at 8:30j AM, went to a primary activity, cleaned most of the house with a complete overhaul, and now feel so run into the ground I could collapse.

I've really been feeling sorry for myself lately. As I read through the last conference talks, I reflect on the suffering and agony of the pioneers and my problems and trials don't seem so terrible. I haven't had to endure even half of what they did and yet I've been down? I am so ashamed and ask for my Father's forgiveness.

I do want to prepare to meet Heavenly Father & my Savior. I know I need to be much more humble and kind. I have so much to work on.

From this day forward I will try to remember all of my blessings rather than trials. I have truly been blessed.

Everything seemed to crash today. All of the things I thought would bring me out of the dulldrums didn't happen.

The missionaries were here, food was all cooked, house was cleaned, and no Alan and Ruth S. showed up. I am so sad. I pray nothing happened to them. I tried to call and their number was out of service.

Then I thought Ernie and I were going to a Ball and the directions we got were wrong. So, we drove around for FOUR hours and did absolutely nothing, except be upset at each other :-/

Temple Dedication & Missionary Work

I misunderstood my manager when he told me that my bonus was $4000 gross. I thought that was take-home. Well, I gave him one week to get it to me in writing and I don't know if he'll be able to pull it off. I don't know if I'd be able to do it anyway. During those two weeks, I've lost 15 lbs. and am down to 110 lbs. Yuck! I'm on a downhill spiral and am not feeling good. I think the stress is getting the best of me.

I do have much to be thankful for though. Alan S. from work is a new temp I hired at work and he and his wife are coming over tomorrow night for a BBQ and to hear the discussions. So - all my efforts are not in vain I guess. I also mailed Gary S. a Book of Mormon and an invitation to hear the discussions on Sunday night. I plan to call him tomorrow.

Ernie, T & I left for the temple dedication. It was very special experience. Lance and Melanie T. opened their home to us, complete strangers. They also watched T while Ernie and I attended.

I had a strong feeling about my family. There are so many people waiting to have their work done! I then thought of my 83-year-old friend Shirley K. I want to get her to the temple. She went into the hospital this week and has been very ill. I hope I can get her there and sealed to her husband before she passes on. 

I feel like I've been selfish with all of my blessings of the gospel and want to share it with everyone!

Temple Dedication

Next Saturday Ernie, T & I will be leaving to attend the temple dedication. I am so excited to go. We'll attend the Sunday, 1:00 PM dedication. It should be an experience like no other.

T can sit on her own for quite a while now. I think it's a nice change from on her back.

We've started having family home evening each Sunday night and it's really nice. When M. Russell Ballard came, he challenged us to take time to read about the pioneers. For FHE we've been reading "I Walked to Zion." Even the beginning chapters bring tears to my eyes. They showed so much courage. The difference in this book is that it's the children's account of the journey. I've already read most of it but I've enjoyed refreshing my memory.

I'm grateful for the sacrifices of my pioneer brothers and sisters and their courage and faith. I'm thankful I was born into a Latter-Day Saint home to wonderful parents. I have nothing to complain about. Heavenly Father has been good to us.

Dishonesty in the Work Place

Now Minnesota is reconsidering closing my department. I think that's so dishonest! Now I don't even know if I'll be receiving my bonus and if they don't close it, no severance. I'm a little frustrated and wonder if it's all worth it. If I don't get my bonus I will give my two weeks notice really soon!

T has started on solids now. She loves cereal, sweet potatoes, and applesauce so far. She's such a cutie!!! I took another pregnancy test today and it's negative. I've just felt pretty sick lately. Who knows why?

I'm really glad I have a wonderful family to come home to after rough days at work. Heavenly Father really watches over us.

Working Nights

Ernie let me vent all of my frustrations about work. It really helped to give me the strength I needed to keep going. It's a good thing too because I worked from 3:00 PM to 4:30 AM. That was a HUGE day! I slept until noon and that felt good.

I took this job so that T wouldn't have to be in daycare. Ernie attends school during the day and I work nights so one of us is always with her. It's not easy but it's worth it. I love to see the bond she has with her father.

I'm very blessed to have such a loving husband. He is my life. I'm  thankful we can be together forever. The blessings of the temple are so wonderful. I hope I can be the kind of example to my children that they will have the desire to stay worthy to go there.

So Much Investment Income.... on Paper!

I don't think I mentioned it earlier but Ernie and I got our first statement from our investment group and in one month we made, like, $1200 just in interest. Amazing huh? I've talked to my brother about it and he thinks he'd like to do it. 

I'm kind of having an internal struggle. I will feel responsible if my brother loses sight of the real meaning of life. I know I'm not responsible for others actions and besides, who am I to judge whether someone is "worthy" of the investment? He is my brother and I would love to see he and his wife secure in their future, too.

Temple Ushers

We're back from a great trip to SLM. We left Friday and got to SLM at about 12:30 AM. We set up camp and went to bed. It was then I found out I didn't pack enough blankets and we were freezing!! Oh well ~ it got better. Body heat is pretty warm...

On Saturday we went to Six Flags and had a blast! It was nice not to have any responsibility. We didn't have to worry about T, work, school, anything. It was pretty refreshing.

On Sunday I spend my first Mother's Day without my daughter. That was a bummer. Ernie and I went to see the main sites in the area. We got to see the Mississippi River and it is so muddy and gross. I was kind of surprised. We also drove around to find the temple and the church house we  were supposed to meet at. We went on a tour through the temple Monday and it was beautiful.

Being ushers at the temple was a very special experience. They've had 10,000 people per day walk through to see the temple. Isn't that amazing? I'm really glad we went.

I took another pregnancy test today and it was still negative. I've decided to take it monthly now so I'll have an accurate due date if it happens.

My Birthday

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday. That seems amazing! My teenage years never went by this fast. That statement really shows my age huh?

Tomorrow Ernie and I leave for SLM. I will miss my sweet daughter. She'll be staying with Nate and Erin C. in our ward. We'll be going to Six Flags and then we will usher at the temple open house on Monday.

My job is really starting to stink. I've cried twice this week to Ernie and I'm not sure if I'll stick it out. I feel like I was tricked into giving my work to stay. I'll talk about that another time though.

Being a Mother

You know, being a mother has so many rewards and joys that come along with it. Of course, it's not always easy, but it's an experience that nothing else could possibly compare to. It's funny too because people try to discourage the joy of children. Even church members. They dwell on the bad and the hard times. Everyone told me how difficult a newborn is: staying up all night, changing tons of diapers, no freedom... etc. Sure all of those things happened, but it was wonderful. And it still is. Being a mother is a divine calling. I don't think there is another more important calling in all the Earth.

T is crying so I guess I'd better close and go be a mother :)

Genealogy with T

I went to the family history library today and found out that quite a bit of my ancestors temple work has been completed. Cool huh? I'll be doing some more work next week.

You know, I grew up as a pretty competitive person and over the past few years I think I've really learned how to sit in the shadows more. You can learn so much more that way. I just hope I'm not a judgmental person anymore. It seems I am so sensitive to it when I hear other people say mean things. I guess because I see the things I used to do to try to not seem judgmental ~ almost to sound like a "good" person. Life is definitely way too short for pettiness and Heavenly Father knows our hearts no matter how we portray ourselves on the outside.

I am so blessed. I'm thankful for my Savior and His sacrifices for me. I actually have the opportunity to live with He and Heavenly Father again through the merits of Jesus Christ. What a wonderful gift!

Teeth & Money (not the tooth fairy)

Yesterday I found out that I will be severanced because they're closing down our location at work. Yeah! Heavenly Father has blessed us so much! This means I'll get a paycheck for the first two months after we move plus my $7000 bonus. This brings my total bonus for staying for the next four months to $11,000!!! Of course, I'll probably only see about $7000 of it... well, not only :) We'll be pretty much set when we move.

T just rolled over tonight for the first time. She's so adorable. We saw day before yesterday that she's cutting her second tooth. What a beautiful girl!

Elder Ballard's Fireside

We just got home from a fireside with M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. It was really powerful! He read President Hinckley's testimony born to the Apostles and Elder Ballard said, it was revelation. It's true. 

He bore his testimony of the pioneers and the spirit that comes with reading journals and stories of the saints. He recounted his experience at a historical site where the saints huddled in a cave looking for food and all died. He saw in his mind's eye the suffering o f those individuals. 

I fully have a testimony of that. While Ernie and I were at Haun's Mill, I saw, in my mind's eye, those women and children running up the banks of that canal as their husband's and father's were massacred. My heart went out to them.

Genealogy

I received a letter from a distant cousin today. I now have family history on my grandmother's side all the way back to the 1560's. Isn't that awesome!?! I think I have enough now to submit several names to the temple.

We got cable TV free for two months and it's doing just what I thought it would. We waste time!! Ernie wanted it though and I guess maybe a part of me did too. Oh well. We'll cancer it in two months.

Changes is the bonus offer: Now it's $4000 gross, salary increase, and I can leave in August.

Cancer & Heart Attacks

Ernie and I sang "Where Is Heaven?" in church today. It was a duet. T was a little pill through the entire meeting. She always misses her nap at noon and bawls all day because her schedule is thrown off.

I found out tonight that my grandmother didn't have breast cancer. She had uterine cancer. She's had a double mastectomy and a full hysterectomy. And I found out that heart attacks run in our family. Three of her brothers and her father died of heart attacks. Here I thought we were all so healthy. 

Life is so precious. We need to make the most of it everyday by serving others and bettering ourselves every moment. Boy do I have a lot to work on.

Pregnant Again?

My period still hasn't started but my pregnancy test was negative. I will continue to wait :)

My manager came back and told me that he'll be offering me an $8000 bonus but I have to stay until Labor Day. For that much, I think I can pull it off :)

T got her four-month shots yesterday.

Work Trials

My staff is taking me to the cleaners again ~ sorely disappointed in my work habits. It's just the never ending cycle I've been dealing with since I took the job as a supervisor over them. Today is our staff meeting, so I will let you know how our little discussion goes.

It's hard because I know that I make mistakes and I have never claimed perfection. It seems that I am not allowed to make them though. Of course there are some things I do need to deal with and change about myself and I am certainly willing to try. But I guess no one will recognize my efforts but me and Heavenly Father. I must admit that Ernie has been so good to let me vent. He is such a blessing in my life.

Negotiating

My manager left the bank and I've officially been in charge for a week now (at the ripe old age of 21). Things are going pretty well. I negotiated with my area manager in Minnesota and told him that I would stay until the office closed at the end of the summer if he gave me a $5000 bonus. He's writing the proposal now and will get back with me in a week or so. I'm still not sure if I'll stay. We'll see what he says and then I'll really pray about it before I give him my answer.

We're all doing well. T is growing faster than ever. Our family is so blessed. I thank Heavenly Father each day for the wonderful life he's blessed us with. 

I'm A Manager!

We're finally home. We were a little later getting home than we'd planned because the airlines lost Ernie's luggage and T's stroller. We did get a $65 credit toward the next time we fly for the inconvenience.

When we got home there was a message from my manager at work. I talked to him today and he told me that he just put in his two weeks notice the Friday before last. That means this Friday is his last day. Yikes!! This means I'm the acting manager. Holy cow! I can't write because I'm shaking! There is so much for me to learn this week! It is a great opportunity for me though. That's pretty exciting. I guess I'll have to keep you posted. Hopefully I'll get another raise :)

Touring Church History Sites

T is now 3 months old today. She's spending it in Independence, MO with her mom and dad. We're touring church history sites on our way to visit family.

When we got to town last night, we stopped at the Visitors Center at Independence. We're also going to tour the Community of Christ Temple across the street, then Liberty Jail where Joseph Smith was kept, then see Haun's Mill, Adam-Ondi-Amen, and some other places along the way. I didn't know there was so much to see here.

Gosh I'm happy! Sound cheesy? Well, you should try it :) Life is beautiful. The birds are singing and it's so peaceful! Heavenly Father has been so giving to this little family in this hotel room. I'd better thank Him right now.

More Church History

T and I are both sick. I have a sore throat and she's all stuffy. I'll miss work tonight to take care of her and let Ernie do his studies.

Right now I'm listening to church history on plural marriage. What a difficult law. When Ernie and I talked about it the other night, I felt very peaceful. I know that law makes many people furious. For some reason I am peaceful.

Perspective

Brenda H. didn't show tonight. We all waited for 45 minutes and finally decided to start eating without her. Once we were finished I called and she said her sister came to town and she forgot. I'm beginning to wonder if she's avoiding us. But ~ she asked to do it next Sunday, so I don't know what to think. We'll see I suppose.

Listening to the life of Joseph Smith has really helped me to see things in perspective - to prioritize. I fell that I am weak and that Heavenly Father will try my weaknesses. Not to be cruel but to help me become stronger. I feel many trials coming in the future and I pray that I will stay true to the faith and close to my Heavenly Father and Savior. This seems to be "the calm before the storm."

Happy Heart

Guess what! Brenda H. is coming over for dinner tomorrow night to hear the missionaries! I pray Heavenly Father's spirit will be here. Actually I pray that He's always here in our home, but I pray Brenda's heart will be softened.

I've been listening to church history tapes about Joseph Smith's life. It's been so interesting. It's a dramatization and I'm learning a lot.

Wiring Our First Investment

I got a raise at work. My annual review was yesterday and I now make $22,500/year. Dave gave me a really nice review. I also got a $500 annual bonus! Cool!

We wired $20,000 to our new investment group. The money went to an account in the West Indies. Cool huh? We'll see what the future holds now.

Ernie's talking about staying here for the summer & both of us working. I don't really want to but he thinks it would be better to stay and save up some money. I guess that would be good. Life's just full of so many choices!

(Lizzy's Comments: Note the amount that was wired was almost my entire years' salary!)

Thoughts...

Brenda H. didn't come because she had to take her 9 mo to the hospital last night. She asked me to call again though and I will.

Ernie and I have been learning a lot of thins lately with our investment. It has opened a lot of new doors and there's tons of information that needs to be kept in perspective. There is so much wicked[ness] around us. I am so thankful for the gospel and my Savior. We need to focus on building the Kingdom of the Lord on the Earth rather than trying to stop and endlessly fight the wickedness. It's interesting to learn about and yet I do not want to become engulfed.

The wickedness cannot be stopped because it must happen in order for the Savior to come. He is the Redeemer of the world and all we can do is help our fellow men and share the gospel. That's what I want to do for Brenda... help. The Savior will do the rest.

I feel that the coming of the Redeemer is soon and I pray that I will be ready. There is so much I still need to learn and I'm not a very disciplined person yet. There is still so much I need to work on.

I'm still thinking I may be pregnant. My milk seems to be diminishing as T always seems to be hungry. I read that your milk will do that if you're pregnant because your body can't handle nourishing yourself, a developing child, and your nursing baby. I'd say that's understandable. No woman could handle all of that. I may break down and go buy a pregnancy test tomorrow. Yesterday i cried when Ernie jokingly asked if I was pregnant and I selfishly replied "I don't want to be." I have no room to be upset after Heavenly Father has blessed us with so much. I have no problem with having another one of his children. In fact, I would be honored.

To Meet the Missionaries

Boy ~ blessings are just pouring out of Heaven on this humble little home. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve all of them. I really don't feel like I know my Savior like I should and want to. Sometimes I think to pray and I just don't do it. Then, of course, I feel guilty later. I know I am nothing before the Lord. He has made me everything that I am, and more that I have yet to find in me.

While heading to wash my car, I needed to stop at the bank ATM to get the cash. As I approached the bank, I felt impressed to go inside rather than use the ATM. That was fine with me because Brenda H. (who I used to work with) was inside. I took T in with me and Brenda came up to see me. She told me that her husband had left her the day after Christmas because he was having an affair. She's only 21, has a 2-year-old and a 9-month-old, and is now a single mom.

Somehow she brought up religion and said that nobody knows which church is true. I told her that I knew that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was true. I then proceeded to tell her that if she listened to the discussions, she could decide for herself. She really didn't comment, but gave me her number and told me to call her and we'd get together.

It's all very ironic because I had always wanted to get up the nerve to invite her to hear the discussions about the gospel but didn't. Well, I called the missionaries and they're coming over for dinner tomorrow. I called Brenda and left an invitation on her answering machine. She called back and said yes! She needs peace in her life and I know this can give that to her.

Brenda was raised in a small town where there really wasn't a lot of morals taught. She's always been really interested in my beliefs though. I pray that everything will go good and that the spirit will be present and strong.

And the Investment Grows Bigger

Today at 1:30 PM, Ernie and I are going to the bank to close on a $21,000 Home Equity Loan. we'll be setting up our investment really soon!

We'll Be Rich!

Ernie and I just found out that our home value DID double with our remodeling and addition! Wow! Can you believe it? This means that we will be taking out a loan for $20,000. The $3000 we put into remodeling almost doubled the value of our home. That's incredible! I'm excited because Ernie said the first thing he's going to do with our investment is take me on a honeymoon. Yeah! We really didn't get one because we moved out here for school, so that's exciting for me!

Appraisals & Periods

On Friday we had our home appraised. That was stressful for me. We got our house all cleaned up beautiful before they came. It is turning out so good. We're hoping they'll say that our value nearly doubled with the addition. We find out tomorrow. It's exciting! We'll be getting a home equity loan for the left over amount. 

We are still going ahead with our investment. I guess we'll see how it all works out. We'll be sitting up a trust for the funds to be in. Ernie is checking all of that out. I guess we'll just have an account in an over-seas bank.

It's been three weeks since I've been to the doctor and my period still hasn't started. I'm checking out all of my options because I may be pregnant again. Can you imagine!?! Holy Cow! our kids would be 11-12 months apart. Yikes! I guess whatever happens, happens. I'll be happy either way :)

Today at church the High Council speaker challenged us to schedule time to read the scriptures. I will make a goal to do that. My scripture study has really slowed down. That talk was really for me.

Shots & Appraisals

T just had her 2-month appointment and got four shots :(

We're getting the house appraised so we'll see how much the value increased with all of the remodeling.

You know, a lot of things are really going wrong right now and yet I still feel so blessed. There were more problems at work tonight and one of our staff members accused me of not doing my job. Of all weeks, I can't believe last week was the one that made him think that. I worked so hard and so many hours it was ridiculous! I guess I was maybe getting a little puffed up though because I felt back to normal and very capable. Maybe I needed a little humble pie :)

I'm just thankful I have a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter to come home to and instantly make me happy. I am very blessed!

And, by the way, my clutch broke today too. I was on my way to work and when I pushed it to the floor it never came back up. Funny!

My Budding Testimony

Today was fast & testimony meeting in Sacrament Meeting. I am so thankful we have the opportunity to be families for all eternity. I'm thankful Ernie & I were married in the temple for eternity and that T and all of our other children who are waiting to come are sealed to us. We have so many blessings in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Ernie and I are going to do the investment, I think. We'd be stupid not to, I guess. Then, if it all falls apart, we really won't be out a lot of money. We're taking that risk.

I have a wonderful life. Heavenly Father has really blessed me. I know He loves me and wants the best for me and my family. I want to continue to try to strengthen my relationship with He and my Savior.

Investing - Taking the Plunge

Ernie and I were approved for a $10,000 Home Equity Loan. We'll be using the money to invest. I talked to Ernie's father last night and he explained the whole process. It's pretty cool. See - we are investing at the top of this money chain. We're really fortunate to be able to even do it. It's exciting! It just seems to good to be true. Ernie can't even concentrate on his studies. He's just off in LaLa land now. That's mostly because he really hates what he's doing in school. He's just been playing along.

Back to Work & Another New Calling

I went back to work on Wednesday. It really wasn't that bad. Of course, I didn't want to go all that much. But - you've gotta do what you've gotta do :)

Today at church I was called as the Primary Secretary. I'll still help out in the nursery but they want me to do both. That'll be fun!

Let the Lessons Begin

I'm almost half way done with my medical transcription course. That'll be nice to be able to do. I'm really excited!

Ernie's brother just told us about a real cool investment opportunity. Apparently they're above the whole banking system. They loan to countries. Since his brother knows this guy from his mission, he said he'd let us do it. They usually only deal with millions and billions of dollars. We're lucky to be able to do it. They said that $10,000 will be 1 million in 10 years.

The guy that his brother knows is a very active LDS guy with a big family. Ernie's dad met him and was really impressed. In fact ~ he trusts him so much, he's taking out a $60,000 home equity loan on his house to do it. Wild huh?

I'm really praying about it. I want to feel that it's right. If it does happen, Ernie's talking about starting a work ranch for troubled kids. I agree. I would definitely want to do something to help others. I've always dreamed about doing that.

(Lizzy's note: I'm sure my readers can tell where this entry is headed. Stay tuned to see this lesson/trial unfold)

T in the ER

We spent last night until 2:00 AM with T in the Emergency Room. She wouldn't wake up all day Thursday night, Friday afternoon, and Friday evening. I was really worried. She couldn't even stay awake to eat. They did tests, exams, and x-rays, and T has an abnormal amount of air building up her her tummy. 

She had to be put through so much. I just cried while I was trying to hold her down and comfort her. My heart just hurt to see her in so much pain. Sometimes she hurt so bad, all she could do was let out high squeaks and couldn't cry. It was heart wrenching.

I think she's feeling a lot better today. She certainly seems better than last night. I love my daughter and pray she'll stay healthy.

T is Sicker...

I took T to Dr. B's once again and luckily she's held in enough water to not have to go into the hospital. If her diarrhea hasn't stopped by this evening, we'll have to take her to the hospital tomorrow to have a GI Specialist look inside her intestine. I hope to nurse her back to health today.

We all had a long night last night. T didn't go to sleep until 5:00 AM again this morning. Now she's slept all day, of course :) She's very lethargic today. I hope she's going to get better soon. I think I'm going to go take a nap now :)

My Sick Baby

T is still really sick and only four weeks old. I had to take her back into the doctor yesterday and he had me take her completely off of breast milk for 24 hours. We're feeding her Pedialyte and she's not real happy. She's had diarrhea terrible and if it's not gone by today they'll admit her into the hospital. We go back to Dr. B.'s office at 2:00 PM. That's only three hours and she's still got the diarrhea.

Last night she didn't sleep at all until 5:00 AM. She hated her bottle and just screamed and screamed. Ernie was really good to take care of her (since she seems to only like taking bottles from him). The poor thing. I wish I could take all of the pain and discomfort away. All I can do is wait. They pricked her big toe yesterday three times to draw blood. I'll get those results today.

T's Blessing

T received a beautiful blessing yesterday. She was blessed with health to be an example to her family and friends, that she'd be married in the temple, and many others.

I was careful not to put the blessing dress on T that I'd made for her while I was pregnant until the very last moment we walked out the door for fear she would spit up on it. The moment I slipped it over her head, before her arms were in the holes... BLAH!... right on the front.

I don't know if I can wash this thing. It's homemade by a woman who has never sewed anything. I fear the seams will fall out.

Sleeplessness & Goals

T was up all night which means mom was also up all night. Yuck! I slept most of the morning and then got ready for church. I got myself and T all ready and was walking out the door when it dawned on me that m keys were locked in my car. So - all that work and we didn't even get to go. Bummer!

I've made myself a goal to try to study more about the gospel this year and try to become closer to my Savior and Father in Heaven.

Visitors

My dad and brother came to visit yesterday and they've left tonight. It was a quick trip but I'm sure glad they came. It's been over a year since I've seen them.

Ernie's family comes into town on Thursday night. Then his brother, his wife and son will get her on Friday night. It'll sure be fun to have all of them here. They're coming for our daughter's blessing on January 12th. She'll finally wear the dress I made so long ago. I sure hope it fits all right. I've sure been blessed!

Home Ownership

Ernie and I didn't wake up to a very happy new year this morning. When I got up for one of our baby's feedings, I saw that the light above our bed was leaking water and there was a stream running down the wall. Ernie was pretty upset when I woke him up and I don't blame him. But - he thinks he knows the problem and it should be fixed by tomorrow.

New Year's Eve

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new year. Time flies so fast it's incredible. This year's been a wonderful year. I think I've really grown in a lot of ways. I'm a mother now and that's probably one of my significant growths. Ernie and I are closer now than we ever have been. I've learned to better control my temper and to try to understand him before I make any judgements. I've been blessed with the best family in the world.

Tonight we got a babysitter for our baby girl and we are going to the church New Year's Eve dance. It will be the first dance since we moved here. It'll be exciting.

Well - this is my farewell to this past year...

LIFE IS WONDERFUL!

KEEP THE FAITH!

So tired...

Boy ~ my lack of sleep is really beginning to catch up with me. I am so tired and my headache is hard to get rid of. Luckily Ernie's a big help and for the last two hours he watched her so I could sleep. It felt so good! Last night she was really fussy because we were trying to introduce the bottle. By 1:30 AM she had me in tears.

I do love my little girl.  She's so special. I am definitely learning a ton. Patience mostly. Last night Ernie and I went to the baptism of three new members. It was really special. Afterward we went to Fazolies for dinner and I did one of the hardest things I have ever done ~ nurse in public. Yikes!

Trekking On and Bathing Drama

Two days ago I took my baby with me to visit my dear friend Shirley Kelley. She's 83 or so and she's awesome!

My baby girl cried when I put her in her first tub bath because the water wasn't warm enough. Mom's a pretty big amateur. I warmed up the water and then she was better. Ernie tried to help warm the water too and he thought the nozzle was in the water. It was really facing her bum and the water hit her. She cried but she's fine. It didn't burn her or anything. She's fine :)

Merry Christmas!

Today I am spending Christmas Day with my own little family. We didn't get up early like normal (more like 10:00 AM) but it was a wonderful Christmas. I'm the happiest mom and wife in the world.

I received some news on Saturday about my little sister. She was hospitalized for three days because she has diabetes. She's insulin dependant for the rest of her life. Apparently there's a virus you can get that your body can't get rid of that will eventually make you diabetic. That's what happened and now she's got it. I cried when I heard the news. She's a little trooper though. When I talked to her in the hospital she was handling it really well. She was her normal, happy self. She's such a sweetheart.

I hope all of my family had a Merry Christmas. I'm grateful for all my Savior did for me. I have a wonderful life!!

Sponges Baths & Inner Searchings

Our baby hates baths! I think as soon as we can put her in the tub (when the cord falls off) then she'll be happier. Right now we have to just lay her on the cold changing table and sponge her. Boy, I wouldn't like that either!

In doing some reading, it looks like I escaped post-partum depression. A weeks gone by and I haven't felt it at all. Boy am I thankful. I love my little girl so much, I can't imagine life without her. She's beautiful!

Well - I miss my mom but Ernie & I are doing great. We're a pretty good team. We did fight last night 'cause he painted in the house but that's over :)

...Later...

Okay, so maybe Ernie and I do fight a little. I just feel it's so important to talk and keep the communication very open. Of course there's a little tension with a new baby and things get a little brushed under the carpet. eventually we take it out on each other. I don't like it!

I love my husband with all my heart. Ernie is wonderful! Sometimes he doesn't like to take suggestions. That's usually the root of our arguments. The banister upstairs was the culprit this evening. I just hope we can keep the tension to a minimum. I love him to pieces!

Being Mom

Another day in the life of a mommy. And - I LOVE IT! My sweet daughter is such a good baby. Sure - she doesn't really like to sleep through the night, but that's alright. I'm sure that will all change soon. I just love her so much. Ernie's really changed since my mom left. I told mom that he acts different around her and I was right. I just think he gets intimidated around her. You know, she knows how to raise babies and Ernie and I are just learning. So - he kind of kept his distance the last few days she was here. But - last night and today he's been so helpful. I can tell he really loves his little girl. She loves her dad too. I couldn't ask for a better life.

Today's our daughter is one week old!

Adjusting

My beautiful daughter is now six days old and it's amazing to watch how quickly she changes. Mom and I laugh and say she inflates little by little every day. 

Being home has been a little bit of an adjustment. I'm sure thankful mom's been here to help out. She's been really nice to clean and do dishes and stuff. She's been wonderful!

Ernie and I have a little adjusting to do. I liken it to when we first got married. We both knew how our families did things, but it wasn't the same so we had to mesh our ideas. Now, we both know how our moms did things and since those ideas aren't all alike, we have to try  to mesh those. This is such an exciting time although I know it will also be a challenge. As Ernie's mom said in her letter, "there are certain things you can lean only through raising a family. That's why Heavenly Father wanted us to experience it."

What I've found is that my love has grown so much. Growing up I was so self-centered and now there are two people in my life whom I love more than words could even begin to express. I would do anything for my husband and daughter. ANYTHING!

Mom goes home today at 7:30 PM. We'll sure miss her. I love my mom. She's the BEST! We'll miss her.

Is This Real?

Ernie & I are now the proud parents of an 8 lb. 3 oz. baby girl. She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever looked at. She is so precious! She made her entrance into this world at 1:54 PM at 20 1/2 inches. It was the 

most wonderful experience I have ever had. Pushing her out and seeing the beautiful little girl that was laid on my stomach was the most incredible experience. I don't even know the words to explain it.

I asked Dr. B. as her head crowned, if he thought he would have to do an episiotomy. He said if he did, it would be a small one. Then as she started coming out, he realized she was a lot bigger than he's planned. He ended up doing a huge episiotomy and I got a 4th degree tear (which is really bad). Now the healing process has begun and it's been nothing but easy. I've had my ups and downs but overall, this is a lot harder than the actual delivery. I'm super sore and I have a tendency to overdue it a little. In time, I'll be back to my normal self.

Well, I love my little girl more than anything. Heavenly Father has blessed me with a beautiful spirit. I'm sure I'll add more in the following entries :)

The Big Day

Here I lay in the hospital bed in labor. I've just been given and epidural so my contractions don't hurt anymore. They brought me to tears for a while until I got the medicine. I feel much better :)   This seems so funny. I never thought this day would come. It's a wonderful time. Soon - my child will breathe her first breath. It's all so fascinating. The whole process is so amazing.

Poor Ernie is so tired. He's in the chair next to me sleeping right now. He's missing his last two finals today but he's got four out of the way. He's been so good through all of this. There's a lot of stress in his life, but he's handling it all really well.

The blood pressure... monitor... keeps...squeezing... my... arm every few minutes and it makes it hard to write.

We picked  up Mom from the airport last night. She's gone with Heidi J. right now to try and recover her luggage. There was a suitcase identical to hers and Ernie picked it up. When we got ready for bed she saw it wasn't hers. OOPS! Now Heidi's been really good to take her around. When she left I was in tears and now I'm feeling much better. She'll be happy to see that.

My nurse's name is Alice and she's really nice. She helps me a ton. It's nice to see smiles. She holds my hand when I'm in pain. Like, this morning we came in at 7:00 a.m. for a scheduled induction. But, Dr. B. just had to break my water (yuck!) and that did it. My contractions were already starting to hurt this morning and I think breaking my water did the trick. I sure am in labor now. Funny - you probably can't tell huh? Well, I put up with about as much as I could. We didn't want my asthma to kick in at all so we went ahead and took the medicine.

I'm thankful for Ernie. He's a wonderful husband and a huge support. I hope he gets rested. He's zonked out in the chair.

Well, soon our first child will be born into this world.

Awkward

My mom flies in tonight at 11:00 p.m. Now it's kindof and awkward situation because she'll be here during the delivery. I go in tomorrow morning between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m. for Dr. B. to rupture my bag of waters.

In talking to Ernie, he'd like it to just be the two of us since that's the way it's been all along. I totally understnad what he's saying. And he thinks he'd feel self-conscious about doing everything right. We'll probably talk about it this evening together and work out what we want to do. We, of course, don't want any feeling to get hurt.

This sure is an exciting time. I'm very blessed and very thankful for all that I have. I'm grateful to be able to bring one of Heavenly Father's children into this world. I feel very calm and peaceful right now. I thought I'd be tense, nervous, and anxious when this time came, but I feel Heavenly Father with me and I know he'll support me.

I love my baby dearly, already, and I pray everything ill go well. Wish me luck!

Christmas Tree

Ernie and I went and bought our Christmas tree today. It's so beautiful! We got the lights on and that's all so far. We have silver and red balls but when I went to hang them, they didn't come with hooks. Oh well. I'll have to finish on Monday. Our front room looks pretty. I bought some angel hair to go under the nativity set. This year I put one of my candles behind it and it's really pretty. There's angel hair across the top of the entertainment center and all of my Christmas dolls and little tree are setting on top. There's big green bows on the corners of the dining room door which is where you see the beautiful tree. It's breath-taking. Quite humble though.

Yes, I am still pregnant but hopefully not for long.

Musings

I just love writing in my journal. Even when I don't feel I have a whole lot of important things to write, I do anyway. Who knows - maybe I'll completely bore anyone who reads about my life. :)

I'm hoping to decorate our house for Christmas soon. There's only 20 days left and I really want to do it now. I'm holding off to see if Ernie's going to sand and stain the floors. I may just make him wait.

It snowed again last night and it looks so beautiful outside. Everything is white and it looks fabulous! What a blessing to deliver our first child at such a beautiful time and season. This is definitely an exciting time.

I went outside and shoveled our walkway hoping it would make me go into labor. All it did was make my back hurt :)

Almost There

I went to see Dr. B. yesterday and the baby is ready to come. Now it's a waiting game until next Tuesday (my due date). If I haven't had the baby by then, Dr. B. will induce me. When he checked me, he said that I was 50% effaced and still 2 cm dilated. But, last week I wasn't hardly effaced at all. So - I am progressing. And I'm in a lot of pain. The baby is at a +2 station so she's really moving down the canal. I really don't want to be induced so I hope I do go naturally by next Tuesday. I'm just excited because there is finally an end in sight. I don't have to go on for three more weeks. Yeah!

Maybe tonight will be the night. Sometimes it feels so real but then the contractions go away :(

Nursry

I was sustained yesterday in church as the Assistant Nursery Leader. It's a lot of fun. They gave me that calling because I can take a few weeks off while the baby's born. I'm really excited about it. I'll miss classes, but the kids are adorable.

Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving!

Do I have a lot to be thankful for! Ernie started a neat tradition today where we went around the table and all told what we are thankful for. Our lives are truly blessed.

We invited Joe S. over for dinner. She's a lady Ernie goes to school with and she's a real sweetheart. She was nice enough to bake the turkey 'cause I still don't know how to do it :)  We had a wonderful meal. I am stuffed to the brim.

Centimeters & Construction

I just pulled out the measuring tape and decided that 10 centimeters really isn't that big of a space for the baby to squeeze out of. Boy, when I first saw 10 centimeters it looked HUGE! I guess your frame of mind really does change throughout nine months.

Ernie and his friend Mr. T. are scraping the dining room ceiling right now and it's going so fast. It's amazing how fast things go when there's help. Ernie is really excited! Hopefully we'll get a lot of the house done by the time the baby arrives.

Life is good...

Enduring to the End

I really am having a hard time staying out of the dulldrums. Seeing her crib, little clothes and bear just make me so anxious. But, I guess I am guaranteed that it will end someday. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Heavenly Father knows when the time is right. I just pray that it's soon. Gosh! If I do go two weeks overdue (Dr. B. thinks she is only FIVE POUNDS right now), that means that she will be born on Christmas Eve. Man, I hope it doesn't take that long :)

False Alarm

I'm still pregnant and starting to feel a little depressed. Last night my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart when Ernie and I were timing them. We went to the hospital a few hours later and when I laid down on the bed, only TWO came in a whole hour. I was so frustrated. When they sent us home, I cried all the way and then cried myself to sleep. I honestly thought it was the real thing and I was mentally prepared to go through with all of it. But, to no avail. I'm still pregnant and only one centimeter dilated.

Gosh! They were just getting so much harder and closer together! Urgh! I am so frustrated!

Thinking About Baby

I just long for this baby come come. Setting up all of her things and folding her tiny little clothes makes me so anxious. When I sit I see her move and turn. I feel the movement of her engaged in my pelvis. It's an incredible thing and such an exciting time. I couldn't ask for a better life. I continually see how much Heavenly Father blesses me.

I feel pretty secure as far as having the things I need. I returned a few things to Toys "R" Us and got a musical mobile, a breast pump, bottles and nipples. The only thing I can think of that I need is baby wipes and breast pads. Other than that, I feel were pretty set. What a blessing!

I pray she comes quickly. My life, from then on, will be devoted to my children and Heavenly Father, of course :)

Callings & Releases

Today was a day full of tears. On several occasions they fell pretty freely. I was released from my calling as Second Counselor in the Relief Society. Bishop J. forgot to tell me so I kindof found out when they asked for the release over the pulpit. Luckily Ernie had an idea they were releasing the president so I was kindof waiting for it. The bishop apologized and I know he felt bad. I tried to hold back my tears as to not make him feel worse but they came anyway. I couldn't do it. I will miss my calling. You know - I felt just as welcome in the Relief Society though and I know I'll be used some other way by Heavenly Father. I love Him and my Savior. I hope they were somewhat pleased with my service.

Money = Stress

Boy am I one stressed out gal. My car is a piece of junk and won't hardly run right. There may be water in the gas tank. I just wish we had a reliable car again.

Yesterday my paycheck was only $350. Yikes! That's all the income we have for two weeks adn that barely covered the house payment. Urgh! WE have to use savings to buy groceries. Stressful! My paycheck is usually close to $700 every two weeks so this has just chopped it in half.

I talked to Ernie about the medical transcriptionist and he thought it was a great idea. I guess I was kindof surprised. I'm going to call on Monday to enroll. I'm really excited. It think this will be a really neat opportunity.

New Ambitions

Time has passed and I am still pregnant. I'm down to less than a month though (actually almost three weeks). I just miss being able to sleep at night. Oh well. I guess even after the baby is born I won't be sleeping through the night. Those days are in the past.

I think I am going to take a training course to become a medical transcriptionist. I would be able to work out of our home at my own pace. It would take four months for me to complete the course and then I could start. It sounds very interesting to me and it would be a nice change from banking AND I could be at home and make money. I'll talk to Ernie about it tonight and see what he thinks.

Hugs & Owchies

Last night I bent down to give Ernie a hug as he brought up his knee to tie his shoe and he accidentally kneed me in the stomach. It hurt pretty bad and my contractions started hurting. Well, he's left on a campout until tomorrow evening and I'm home alone. Last night I felt a lot of discomfort. I woke up once and I was all wet. Then today I've been really wet periodically. I called the doctors office to see if I may be leaking amniotic fluid and now I have an appointment this afternoon. It would be so sad if stuff happened while Ernie was gone. I just hope everything goes okay. Poor Ernie felt really bad last night after it happened, but it wasn't his fault. He is an incredible husband!